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Take It To the Bridge

Good effing god! Contrary to popular opinion I haven’t been pretending to be ill – I did have horrid flu and then unspeakably painful twisted pelvis back trouble which meant I haven’t been able to move or hardly breathe properly for most of this week but after much pummeling and acupuncture – I am back (pardon the pun pop-pickers). Anyway – enough of that drivel – after an excruciating journey home which took as much time as it takes to fly to most countries in Europe – I’ve got home and succumbed to a bit of channel surfing. Was rather happy to see James Brown Live at the Electric Proms on the old favourite BBC4.

Having a bit of a wallow – I went to see James Brown after he got out of jail for the umpteenth time for assault and battery and waving a firearm around whilst pissed in the mid-80’s


and the band and indeed his corset are just as tight as they ever were. But blow me – who should he choose to do a duet with but the bloody Sugababes. Why? They are shit and genuinely look like they don’t know who he is. And bless him, poor old JB does look a little pre-senile and stiff of limb when he’s doing his fancy shuffle. He doesn’t look like he is much long for this world but is resplendent in a vibrant blue satin and lurex trim suit. He’s got a trio of fantastic backing singers which look a little like live home webcam porn mothers 50+ variety in straining silver pvc suits. They have great rhythm and knock Slugababes (yes – I meant to spell it like that) into a cocked hat. Oh and they have got two drummers which is just brilliant. Last time I went to a gig with two drummers was at the Astoria when I went to see Bentley Rhythm Aces in 1998 – which was a mighty fine racket.

I was going to witter on some more but think I might not. Back soon.

But for those (Molly and Holyhoses then!) who are interested – the wedding was ok – one of those where it is rather evident that it will either be a resounding match made in heaven or there will be a particularly unpleasant divorce within 18 months. All a bit strained and middle/upper class. The groom I overheard was in trouble just a fortnight ago when my friend (bride) came home to discover that her husband to be and trust fund coke binger had just lost ten grand – yes – TEN GRAND playing on-line poker. Added to which – in normal circumstances it would have been fine but he had just been cut-off from his inheritance by his viper of a mother for marrying someone (my lovely friend!) she didn’t think was good enough. She created a big scene at the reception and turned up late but I couldn’t really get to the bottom of it all – lots of hushed, rapid whispering and secret mobile phone calls before she finally arrived – VERY late and quite obviously on purpose.

Needless to say – it was a lovely wedding and great reception. Fine wine was had by all – and in fact I must have drunk quite alot as I realised I was sat next to the bride’s stepfather (early 60’s I think) and have a vague recollection of thinking ‘gosh this table is cramped’ and then realising it wasn’t – it was just that we were sitting thigh to thigh – his pressing rather hard against mine. I must have been quite pissed as I clearly remember thinking that I couldn’t be bothered to move my leg and quite enjoyed it. Tut! Weddings eh?! And I drove back to the B&B pissed with two ex SAS captains – a mile and a half through remote countryside on tiny roads – not good I know. And YES – we all slept in separate rooms just in case you were wondering – sorry – I’m much more boring than girl with one fat behind.

Had one of those hangovers where you wake up feeling absolutely great but then feel like poo once you’ve sunk the Full English….

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