Here are my new friends Katie and Pete. They are really down to earth and have a huge house in the country. Didn’t see the kids but had to help them get organised around the house. Couldn’t believe that they were so nice and well, ordinary really. The kitchen was indeed just like it is in this picture and Pete was wearing a similar tracksuit to the one above – I even made him laugh by cracking a joke. They get on really well and she’s really nice. The only thing that struck me was that they have had all their staircases ripped out and replaced by incredibly slippery, steep wooden bespoke ones. Hardly very practical with 2 toddlers around the place. I nearly slipped on the turn of the top staircase as I carried boxes of stuff down for them from one of the upstairs bedrooms. I saw their bed – it was huuuuge – Elvis proportions. Seriously, you could have fitted at least 8 adults in it comfortably. It looked so long it was ridiculous. She told me that it was a bit of a pain as they have to have all their sheets, duvets and duvet covers made especially and it costs a fortune. At the end of the bed they had a little put-me-up with a plain pink and white blanket on it. I guess that was for one of the kids. Anyway, as it was getting dark Katie asked me to take some stuff to the car which was parked by the main gate of their mansion. She said that the photographers were all lurking behind the tall laurel bushes at the front and that they were a real pain. Could I take a few boxes of paperwork to the car for her?. The car was a dirty white Peugot 405 – I guess it’s their runaround vehicle. I felt embarrassed as I was shifting stuff in my 40’s silk slip at the time and I had ugg boots on my feet. She said don’t worry and lent me some of her clothes. It was awful. Tarty top, jeans and the worst – powder blue Timberland lace up boots with white soles – really Essex chav – oh – and a Von Dutch baseball cap which I absolutely hated. I went out and did it anyway – they’ve got a housekeeper who is a really common frumpy girl called Tina – don’t know why she was there although we were kind of working together. As we walked out to the car I suddenly realised that the paparazzi were going to get confused and Katie had deliberately dressed me up like her as a decoy. Of course I panicked as they took loads of photo’s of me. I had only been in the Sunday Mirror the week before doing the same thing for Meg Matthews and suddenly got worried that they were now going to try and find out who I really was – this girl from nowhere helper to the stars. Then I thought – oh it’s ok – I’ll just smile and be me. Tina just stood there laughing and waving at them but they weren’t that interested in her.
Then I realised I was actually in my own bed, me, Rockmother and was secretly relieved as the thought that I had been seen out and put on the front of the Sunday Mirror in powder blue Timberlands was really bothering me. I got up and made a jug of fresh coffee, sat in the garden, listened to the wind rushing through the trees and laughed.