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My Evening So Far

Between the hours of nine fifteen and ten fifteen this evening the following happened:

him who snores like a bison’s friend (usually really meek and mild-mannered) turns up unannounced on the doorstep with no t shirt, no shoes or socks and covered in mud. I let him in. I ask him what’s happened. Last thing I knew they were all having a ‘quiet’ drink in the pub. Him who snores like a bison is still in the pub. Meek and mild-mannered friend is being weird and can’t remember what happened. I stick him in the bath and go into another room to call him who snores like a bison. He says he is coming straight home.

Then the phone rings twice in succession. I don’t answer it as I can’t get to it due to a twisted pelvis. Seriously ouch. Am seeing a physio tomorrow. The pain is indescribable.

Then my mobile rings. I answer it. It is the barrister parent of a horribly indulged and manipulative girl at my son’s school. He got into trouble today for hitting her – because his best friend told him to apparently. All involved were reprimanded accordingly. Barrister Dad says he thinks the school is ineffective, lots of other parents have decided to tell their children not to go near mine and that he is alerting the authorities. I have other side issues with the school that I now intend to tack on to his claim. Basically, my 5 year old could get expelled because the school are ineffective in responsibility for the class. I want to cry. I want to cry a lot. But I don’t.

Meanwhile, him who snores like a bison comes in pretty worse for wear. Twenty minutes later I am off the phone. Suddenly Meek and Mild pads down the stairs in a towel and says that there is a lot of water coming through the ceiling. We all rush upstairs (I hobble). And sure enough, water pouring through all the downlights – it’s a mess. Everything gets turned off. Three minutes later a minicab knocks on the door – Meek and Mild just walks down the stairs and gets in it – dressed in two of our towels. We are gobsmacked. All we can do is stand there staring holding buckets. Looks like the ceiling is going to come down.

I go into the bedroom to get more towels.

I look out the window. It’s a full moon.

Now we are sitting in the kitchen ruminating on what on earth has gone on this evening. It’s ridiculous.

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