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Motorhead – In Bullet Points


• Motorhead at the Royal Festival Hall • In bullet points • Because that is the easiest way to do it with a hangover • It was very VERY loud • It felt a bit like Rock Goes To College • We missed the first 30 mins due to forgetting that it was The Royal Festival Hall and not Hammersmith Odeon ie: bands come on sooner rather than later in posh places • And we were talking too much in the pub beforehand • Stu thought that Jarvis Cocker had his own range of sandwiches out • I said – don’t worry – it’s just that he curated the festival – not the sandwiches! • Oooh we laughed • Istvanski did a monster sneeze and tried to wipe his hands on Stu’s jacket • We finally got into the gig through a special door for latecomers • We were 6 rows from the front of the stage • It was GREAT • I leapt up and down like a small child and pointed and laughed at lots of funny headbangers • At first you couldn’t hear a word Lemmy was singing – it was just a blurry loud rasp • Excellent • Phil Campbell had a great line in guitars – especially the Minarik Inferno • Micky Dee did a ridiculously over-pompous show off drum solo that went on a fraction too long • When Lemmy and Campbelll came back on stage after the drum solo they were both smoking and looked very cool in a rock type way. It made me want to smoke immediately. • Lemmy spat his fag out across the stage before he rasped the first verse of Motorhead. It just lay there smoking by an amp looking a bit health and safety • Lemmy was wearing calf length uber-sturdy leather boots and the most exceptionally tight black stretch worn jeans • The jeans served to highlight his really saggy bottom and squash it even further south and make his tummy look a bit bigger than it probably is in a voluminous black shirt which was characteristically undone to just above the navel and tucked into his straining waistband • He had his trademark talisman around his neck • He looked cool and very much legend of rock – which is what he is I suppose • Thom turned to me and said as we marvelled at Lemmy’s tightness of jean “He’s so cool isn’t he? Would you shag him even though he’s all sweaty and old? • “No” I replied as I scrawled “Lemmy – play Dirty Love for me I love you” on my ticket stub which I then tried to throw onto the stage • Thom then said “What about Keith Richards? As he is now? Really old. • “Yes” I said and we both laughed • They played quite a lot of songs from the Orgasmatron album • They played really well despite not being able to intermittently hear what Lemmy was actually singing • After a slightly lame version (I’ve heard them do better) of Ace Of Spades for the encore they threw plectrums, a sweaty flannel and some drumsticks into the audience • Lemmy left the guitars on and turned all the amps up to 11 (no doubt) • Everyone was basking in the incredibly loud noise filling the entire auditorium • Some were even still headbanging to it • They seemed genuinely happy to see everyone at the RFH and went offstage smiling • It was amazing despite the fact I still can’t hear out of my left ear • Then we all went straight back to the pub • Where it went horribly downhill • Somehow we entered a pub quiz and I was having to write the answers • I seem to remember encountering difficulty after the third bucket of rose had passed my lips • Everyone was very jolly and we all had such a great time • The rose finally got the better of me and I had to go and be sick in the pub loo • Euuuuuwwwwwww! • I thought I felt much better after that but it seemed that I might not have been able to walk in a particularly straight line • I was most chivalrously looked after by Messrs Istvanski and Howeser • The train journey home was excruciatingly slow and sweaty • Another fine gig with great company • Mine’s a fizzy water next time Photo: (that’s me and Lemmy doing some after-show rose action backstage in case you were wondering)?


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