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Confession time

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My poor deluded child: Mummy? How do traffic lights know when to change?

Me: Oh, there’s a really tiny person who lives inside the post and they have a remote control. They count to twenty and then they go red, then amber aaaaaaand green!

My poor deluded child: Oh. Are they tall like you?

Me: Nooooooo! They’re only this high (1″ between finger and thumb) and see that plant (weed growing at base of traffic light) that’s their garden.


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Poor deluded child: Oh (quizzically – still thinking). PAUSE. Do they live outside or inside the pole?

Me: Oh, inside. Poor deluded child: Oh (quizzically again). SILENCE.

Him: pondering

Me: wondering why on earth I made up such a ridiculous story – but that really was the image I had in my head at the time.

Later he asked me (while he was having a poo) whether I had noticed something special about Thelma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby. Er no I said – what?

Well, he said – they don’t do wee’s or poo’s in the day. It’s so cool, they wait until all the children are in bed and do it while they are asleep.

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Hm…my turn to go “oh….” Fair point I suppose. Good observation.

If it wasn’t for those snoopin’ kids……

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