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Confession time


My poor deluded child: Mummy? How do traffic lights know when to change?

Me: Oh, there’s a really tiny person who lives inside the post and they have a remote control. They count to twenty and then they go red, then amber aaaaaaand green!

My poor deluded child: Oh. Are they tall like you?

Me: Nooooooo! They’re only this high (1″ between finger and thumb) and see that plant (weed growing at base of traffic light) that’s their garden.


Poor deluded child: Oh (quizzically – still thinking). PAUSE. Do they live outside or inside the pole?

Me: Oh, inside. Poor deluded child: Oh (quizzically again). SILENCE.

Him: pondering

Me: wondering why on earth I made up such a ridiculous story – but that really was the image I had in my head at the time.

Later he asked me (while he was having a poo) whether I had noticed something special about Thelma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby. Er no I said – what?

Well, he said – they don’t do wee’s or poo’s in the day. It’s so cool, they wait until all the children are in bed and do it while they are asleep.


Hm…my turn to go “oh….” Fair point I suppose. Good observation.

If it wasn’t for those snoopin’ kids……

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