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Pass Me Another Spam Fritter Please

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No, on second thoughts – hold the spam – just take all my bank details and my NI no as well while you are at it. It’s ok – it’s a free-for-all courtesy of some fantastically inept and bumbling buffoon in the government that thought he/she/it/plankton would chance it by sending out top security data via non-top security means. Not even the sniff of a recorded delivery. Oh no! What? It didn’t arrive? Never mind – only 25 million people’s details on there…….sort-code and account number, address, that sort of thing. No worries – we’ll send another copy – we’ll send it recorded this time – just in case. Could you let me know if you can be bothered to get a signature for it? Oh, I see – most of the people who work for your establishment can’t read or write yet let alone speak intelligably? No wonder it didn’t get there the first time. Oh well. Let me know if it turns up won’t you. And then I get this….

Dear Honest Friend, My name is Ms. Margaret Krissie I am a dying woman who have decided to donate what I have to you/ church. I am 58 years old and I was diagnosed for cancer for about 3 years ago, immediately after the death of my husband, who has left me everything he worked for. I have been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to you for the good work of God, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband hard earned funds ungodly. Please pray that the good Lord forgive me my sins. I have asked God to forgive me and I believe he has because He is a merciful God. I will be going in for an operation in less than one hour. I decided to WILL/donate the sum of US$7,500,000 (Seven Million, Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars Only) to you for the good work of the lord, and also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the fact that my relatives are around me and my health status. I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware I have changed my will and he will arrange the transfer of the funds from my account to you. But this fund is in a bonded state with an irrevocable comprehensive insurance cover, as a security measure against my husband relatives. I wish you all the best and may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds well and always extend the good work to others. Contact my lawyer with this specified Email Address: – {emorganlawyer@aol.com } and tell him that I have WILLED US$7,500,000 (Seven Million, Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars Only) to you by quoting my personal reference number E-Morgan and Associates EM/EG/WILL/092514131209 and I have also notified him that I am WILLING that amount to you for a specific and good work. I know I don’t know you but I have been directed by God to do this. Thanks and God bless. NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished as I don’t want anything that will jeopardize my last wish. And Also I will be contacting with you by email as I don’t want my relation or anybody to know because they are always around me. Best Regards, Ms. Margaret Krissie.

So you are not that ill that you can’t sit there going cross-eyed on e mail spamming people all day but you are too ill to take calls Margaret? Well, I tell you what. Most of the mothers in this country – a fair few amount of them single mothers have now been exposed to possible identity theft of a much greater kind than you are suggesting. $7.5M is the least of our worries! And while you are at it – hurry up and die – it won’t be a day too soon scumbag.

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