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A Week In My Brain

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Woke up at the weekend with the word obfuscate rattling around my brain. God knows why. I have to go and look it up in the dictionary. Definition: To darken; to obscure; to becloud; hence, to confuse; to bewilder. Kind of sums up my life right now. Weird. Went to work – at some point in the day someone mentioned The Feeling – dreadful band – I then have one of their early hits whirling around my brain torturing me for hours. Then I start wondering whether this means they are a good band after all seeing as I can remember the lyrics practically word for word. I don’t like The Feeling – why is this happening?


I have been filming for two days under the crackling pylons of Barking and Dagenham. I am convinced the pylons are making my two fillings hurt. It feels like the Bermuda Triangle of lost London. We were filming in a nature reserve nestling amongst the urban sprawl of flattened factories and remediated land that will become ‘Barkingside’ – a huge housing estate with a lake in the middle. The nature reserve is an interesting place – I saw porn mags and crisp packets in a glade. I saw a lot of evidence of dumping – sad piles of childrens plastic toys unlovingly entwined with dirty clothes and bottles with old piss in them. I saw apple trees, blackberries and rosehips too. I saw bus stops to nowhere and spoke to the armed police unit that regularly patrol the area. I wasn’t sure if this made me feel less or more safe to be honest. Then I went for a wee behind a bush and saw a blow-up sex doll that had been strangled with it’s own arms. (I have been trying to upload the picture from my phone but fecking bluetooth packed up). The image of sadistic plastic was more than alarming. I suddenly felt as if I was in an out-take of Blair Witch Project gone wrong and went a bit panicky.

Later I turn my attention to ebay – some how I find myself in a bidding war for these:


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I didn’t win them. Everytime I bid some arse bid £1.00 more. Finally that arse won – her name is stacey666lee. I hate her and hope she breaks her ankle.

Suddenly it’s Monday again and when I wake up I sink back into the pillow thinking ‘aaahhh’ the weekend. Wrong! It’s Monday. Oh the pain. On the way to work I see a lady walking down the road hitching up her skirt. It’s Soho – there are all sorts at all times of the morning but for some reason I am dreading walking past her. But I do. Off she goes – hitching and hoiking up her skirt. Her knee flesh wobbles like un-cooked cod. My stomach does a grimacy-flutter and I walk on chanting ‘oh no oh no oh no’.

This cheers me up


I must do a podcast soon….I really must.

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